(Roll da musik pls)
Hello and welcome to the all-new sammys-zps exclusive guide Do You Even English, M8? FREE EDITION* with your host, the ineffably magnificent Drakasin!
“I’ve learned English, and so can you!” ~ The ineffably magnificent Drakasin
What you will learn in these lessons: [REDACTED] a lot of stuff
Learn2English in ten easy steps:
10. Read. This Fakkin’. Guide
Warning! This guide will not teach you / give you the following things: superpowers, intelligence, a sibling, German, how to operate doors.
Without further ado, the first lesson may begin.
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FIRST LESSON: “Spot the difference!”
In this most perilous journey we shall look at the most commonly mispelled (it’s actually “misspelled”. See? We’re already learning!) words in English. God knows it ain’t so fucking hard. Here are ten of them or something:
1. There / They’re / Their.
Oh God what the hell is going on in here, they sound and look so similar, I can’t get my brain around it, why do you torture me so m- “Shut up!”
Now. Calm down them titties of yours. Let me explain.
There - points out, refers to a place or an idea (there’s shit on my bed).
Their - ( / theirs) is a possessive for “they”, meaning “they” own something (Your ass is theirs).
They're - When two people really love each other ("they" and "are" - really cool guys), and they're horny, they make sex and a baby (their contraction) comes out. (they’re dumb).
2. You, you’re, your
Holy shit, it’s the same fucking thing!
You refers to you as a person (or as a boon).
You’re is a contraction of two words “You are” as in (You’re fired for failing basic English, boon!).
Your ("yours" in some cases (like "theirs"), but you’re better off with just “your” until you learn2s) is a possessive and means that something belongs to or is a part of the person (or thing or whatever the hell) you're talking to (Your inner boon is showing).
Still confused? Here are some examples for you:
3. Than / Then
Ok. This gets trickier now. You’re gonna have to fry that peanut brain of yours to process this horrendously hard difference. Just kidding, it’s all fucking easy.
Then – A transition or a point in time. Like, when you do something, after which you do something else. “First I was like – Learn to speak English, god dammit! But then I was like writing this stupid guide.”
Than – One of the many ways to do this magical thing called Comparison. “I am better at English than you.”
4. We’re / Were / Where
Do you see the pattern? Do you fucking see it? That’s right it’s similar to the problems before, except that they’re different. That’s why we take great care to spell them correctly. They mean different fucking things.
We’re – "We are" – “We are the champions, my friend! And we keep fighting correct grammar until the end!”
Were – past tense of “ARE”. “You were awful at English until you read this guide.”
Where – A place, you’re asking where something is. “Where the fuck is my shark skin?” 
5. Two / Too / To
Two – It’s a number. What the hell is so difficult about this word? It's number fucking 2. “You’re number 2 and not number 1 because you can’t English, m8.”
Too – Means two things (c wat i dit their?): A meaning similar to “Also”, and a meaning similar to “excessive”. “I heard you’re confused with this word. I am too dumb to understand this word, too (also).”
To - When someone gives you points after you beg for them is a good example when "Someone gives something to you". It's like a transition, a motion! It also means a lot of different things. "To be awesome means to be hated by jelly Xerox"
Now, kids. The knowledge you're holding in your hands is also a great source of power. Use this power for the betterment of all and to troll boons. Don't forget to tune in the next lesson that will talk about something else I have yet to think of. Your great teacher, Drakasin, is out (to kick your asses in-game. Where you at?!)!
*(A note because: My English isn’t really all that good. I make mistakes all the time and there are a lot of areas I need to improve upon, but I know enough to help others get a little better. The posts are not meant to insult anyone, and are created to be fun to read (even though they aren't), thus helping you remember all the lessons I’ll be posting. Peace out.)